dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
