Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
