hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
