It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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