adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
