whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
