Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
