I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
