Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
