he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
