someone get that fucking seahorse.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
