He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
