just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
