Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
