She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
