the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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