did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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