im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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