Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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