u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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