I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
