What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
