I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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