Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
