I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
