Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize