dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
