hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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