Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
