matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
