Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
