its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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