My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
