He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize