There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
