there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize