you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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