It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
