I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
