did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
