New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
