College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so let's talk penis.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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