Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
