boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
