Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
