just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
