woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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