There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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