Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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