I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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