Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
