Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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