remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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