Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
