Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
