I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
