I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
