I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize