if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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