we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize