His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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