I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
