Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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