Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize