the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
