I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize