ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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