Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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