I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
