I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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