just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
