I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
