You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to sanitize my soul.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
