i was born a porn star she said
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize