Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
