something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
