there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I sprained my soul last night
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
