I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
