all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize