I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my shit smells like andre
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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