you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im holly from the hills drunk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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