I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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