so let's talk penis.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
