I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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