she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
