I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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