you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
