atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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