And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
