A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
