Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
