You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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