dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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