ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
