some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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