Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
