God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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