i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I could fuck to npr.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
