I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
