when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
