I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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