my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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